Wherever You Are
by scarylolita
Summary: Over the years, Shion has gotten used to the boring routine of his every day life... however, things change when he spots a familiar looking rat. NezuShi.


**No.6 © Atsuko Asano.**

* * *

"_When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew."_

_Arrigo Boito_

Five years. It's been five years and Shion has never let another soul touch him in the way he wanted Nezumi to. It would have felt wrong. Nezumi's lips were the first pair he kissed and they would be the last. Nezumi had unknowingly laid claim to Shion's soul with that parting kiss and he would continue to wait until the promised day of his return.

As he watched Nezumi walk away, eventually fading into the distance, it felt as if a great black hole had opened at his feet, threatening to swallow his entirety. That night was spent crying. It wasn't the pretty kind of crying like you see in films, but weeping, lurching sobs that shook his body with desperate tremors.

Shion didn't expect it to feel as horrible as it did, but Shion trusts Nezumi and his promise. He said he would be back, so that means he will, though he still can't help but wonder what it would be like. If Safu was still alive, would he have reconsidered her proposition from when they were sixteen? Would he have given the blunt and socially awkward girl his body? Probably not, but that doesn't stop him from wishing he could see Safu again. Not a day goes by where she doesn't cross his mind. It's the same for Nezumi, though he takes up a larger part of Shion's mind than Safu ever could.

It's funny. On the fourth year Shion had been filled with such hope that Nezumi would return. Four years, it would have been fitting, no?

But that year came and went with no sign of Nezumi and the whole in Shion's heart only got bigger. On New Year's Eve he spent the night alone, desperately trying not to succumb to the tears that wanted so badly to spill.

When Nezumi left, he took a part of Shion with him. This part of Shion will return with Nezumi and he knows he won't feel so empty.

"Shion?" a voice breaks him out of his thoughts.

"Sorry," he looks up at his mother from his seat at the kitchen table. "Just got lost in my thoughts."

Karan smiles back at her son, though sadly, for she knows exactly of the thoughts racing through his mind. She's stopped trying to convince her son to move on, knowing that it was a battle she could not win. He knows what he wants… or _who_, and is very set in his ways.

She looks down at the bowl of cake batter and continues to stir. Today, like all days, the kitchen air smells like freshly baked goods and Rikaga is on his way over to help. Ever since those five long years ago, he's been a prominent part of Shion's life, slowly warming his way into Karan's heart.

Inukashi likes to remind Shion that if he ever gets the courage to ask Karan out, Shion might be looking at a new step-father. "Rikaga as a father, now that I'd like to see!"

And speaking of Inukashi…

Shion stands up from the table, "I should get going."

"You don't want to wait until the cake is finished?" Karan asks.

"I can't, I promised Inukashi I'd help her with the dogs." Shion flattens the wrinkles in his khaki pants. "Give Rikaga my regards."

Karan kisses her son on the forehead, "I will. Have fun with Inukashi."

He nods before leaving.

The walk to Inukashi's is long, but Shion doesn't mind. It gives him time to appreciate the quiet serenity of the town and the trees. It gives him time to think, though lately, it seems like that is all he ever does. He thinks too much.

Inukashi likes to tell him that his head is so full of pointless thoughts he hasn't any room for the really important stuff. Shion always disagrees, though can't help but wonder if there's any truth to the statement. He knows he dwells on the past, but he also knows that the most important part of his past will also be a part of his future.

So, no. He doesn't feel like he is wasting time on any of his thoughts.

By the time Shion reaches Inukashi's, the dog-keeper is already by the fountain washing the animals.

"Hello," Shion says to Inukashi.

"Pull up a stool and get to work," she says gruffly.

Shion does as he's asked. To be perfectly honest, he doesn't mind spending his time here and he'd be lying if he said he didn't cherish his time with Inukashi. Though the girl is often blunt and rude, Shion knows she can be the opposite of those unfavorable characteristics as well. He can forgive her mannerism because she was, quite literally, raised by animals.

"How have you been?" she asks after minutes of silence and scrubbing the dogs.

"Good, thank you," Shion answers. "I've been reading a lot lately."

"You're boring," Inukashi says, wringing old an old wash cloth. Shion may have been offended if he didn't sense the tone of endearment in her words.

"Yeah, yeah," he laughs.

"So, what're you reading these days?"

"The classics," he grins, not bothering to list off any titles. The girl probably wouldn't recognize them anyway.

"Interesting?"

"Mm," Shion muses. "So, how are you?"

"Fine."

"Does it ever get lonely?"

"What are you talkin' about?" she looks at Shion and lifts an eyebrow.

"Being here, all alone."

"I'm not alone," she says, laying a fond hand on the dog she's washing. "They are all the company I need."

Shion chuckles. She hasn't changed at all.

"But what about you? Don't you get lonely waiting for Nezumi?"

"I'd be lying if I said no," he whispers with honesty.

"Then why don't you get a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend, whatever you're into. You shouldn't wait for him. It's a waste of youth. You're 21, you should be going out with friends, having sex –"

Shion holds up a hand to stop the girl's lecture.

"Do you even know anything about sex?" she asks, grinning.

Shion sputters at the grinning girl's bluntness.

"Have you ever done it by yourself?"

Shion covered his ears, blushing.

"Aw, come on. We're all friends here," Inukashi says.

"A few times," Shion blushes even more ferociously at the confession. "I just wanted to know what it was like... I wanted to know what it would feel like to be with someone."

"Then why do you wait for Nezumi?"

"Sometimes I think I love him," he says with honesty, "However, I'm not sure I could ever say that to him because once I say it I can never take it back. He might not feel the same way. It might make him uncomfortable… I couldn't push it to the side and pretend it never happened and it will stay in the open for us to remember, so I shake those silly thoughts out of my head and replace them with much simpler things."

"It's not so silly," Inukashi says.

Shion shrugs sheepishly. He can tell she's just unsure of what else to say.

"You speak like you know he'll be back. How can you be so sure, after this long, that he'll still return?" she asks.

"Because he said he would."

"And you believe him?"

"I do."

"You know," she says, "You really used to bother me. I would catch you at random times of the day, and you would always be smiling and I would ask myself, 'What reason has he to be so happy'?" Her gaze trailed away from Shion's eyes, to the floor and up the Hotel wall before looking back at him. "I hated seeing you."

"I'm sorry," Shion says.

"No…" she shakes her head. "So," she says, "What was your reason?"

"I guess, in all honesty, I was happy, but it was the naïve kind of happiness. It was fake. I learned many horrible truths. Nezumi showed me that the world isn't perfect, like I always assumed it was. But even then… I kept smiling because Nezumi always said he didn't want these horrible truths to change me. 'I want Shion to stay Shion,' he said to me before I learned of the inner workings of the world."

Shion can recall the memory of Nezumi crying for him. Shion just stood there, expressionless, as he pulled the trigger and blood spattered across his face and pale, white shirt.

"He didn't want me to turn into somebody like him." Shion pauses and lets out a deep breath. "So I thought that if I kept smiling and everyone else believed I was happy, maybe I could start to believe it too."

"Did it work?"

"No, unfortunately things don't work that way."

"You're unhappy?"

"No, I wouldn't say I'm unhappy," Shion dips the cloth in the wooden bucket. "I'm very content. I have a good life, a good job, friends and family. It's just… you know. There are things I wish were different."

Inukashi is frowning when Shion finally looks up at her. "You're such an idiot," she says softly before soaking another wet cloth and running it over the dogs fur.

They both remain quiet, washing the dogs and when the dogs are clean Shion leaves with simple words of parting and a promise to visit again soon.

Before going home, Shion decides to visit Safu, something he regrettably finds himself doing less and less of lately.

Safu was buried in a cemetery full of trees and flowers. It's fitting for Safu to be resting in a place that was as colorful as her personality.

"Hello, Safu," Shion says as he kneels in front of his best friend's head stone. "Sorry I haven't visited in a while. I've been busy with work and helping Inukashi with the dogs. Work is going nicely. I enjoy the parks. I've also been spending time with Mom. She seems happy, which is good. She was upset when I finally decided to move out. I think she was afraid she'd get lonely. Fortunately, Rikaga won't ever let that happen."

The wind whistles, brushing fallen leaves away. Shion shuts his eyes, imagining that Safu is talking back to him.

"Though… I have to admit, living by myself is scary at night. Sometimes at night I get scared of things I know don't really exist. I'll wrap myself up in a blanket, as if it could protect me, as if any monsters would see it and go, 'Ah! That kid had a blanket for protection, let's get out of here!' Hah, it's silly when I think about it, but it's comforting at the same time," Shion laughs.

He continues to talk about simple things until the sun begins to set. "Well I ought to get home." He kisses his fingers before lovingly pressing them to the head stone. "I'll come back soon," he whispers before leaving the graveyard and walking home.

By the time he arrives at his doorstep, it's dark, and the moon casts it's glow amongst the town.

Shion lets out a yawn as he saunters into his bedroom to change into his pajamas. They were a gift from his mother: blue cotton, the comfiest thing he owns.

Shion crawls onto his bed and wraps himself up in the duvet before being whisked into dreamland.

Nezumi is always in his dreams, whether it is the frail and young Nezumi he met outside his window the night he was twelve, or the strong Nezumi that rescued him to repay a debt. Sometimes it is neither. There is a man who calls himself Nezumi, but doesn't exactly look like him. He's taller, his shoulders broader. This is usually when Shion remembers that five years have gone by. Nezumi must have grown.

When he first saw Nezumi, the small and scared child standing outside his window with eyes like dark caves, he was immediately drawn in. Yet, at the same time, he felt like if he looked too deeply into the child's eyes, he could have fallen in and got lost forever. He found himself wondering what kind of life gave a child eyes like that, but he didn't have the courage to ask. He didn't feel like he had the right, even after treating his cuts.

This secretive air Nezumi had never left, even when he showed up in Shion's life four years later. Still, Shion could not ask. He knew that even if he did, Nezumi would not have spoken the truth.

They didn't have many deep and personal conversations. Every time Shion thought it was going one way, Nezumi made a U-turn and they were back to talking about simple things. Sometimes he just wanted to scream at him. "Stop, stop, stop! Let's talk about something real!" but he never did that.

With all of Shion's patience, the time for truths did come. He learned Nezumi's story. It was the first of many horrible truths Shion's naïve sixteen year old self would learn.

Safu once asked him if he would rather be happy and naïve or unhappy and knowing. He didn't know what to choose and he told Safu he didn't know… But looking back on it now, he has his answer.

He was once happily naïve, finding out that it was no way to live. His happiness held so much sacrifice.

So, does he ever regret learning the truth of No.6?

Never.

He values everything Nezumi showed him and even if Nezumi never returns, Shion would die waiting.

* * *

Shion is on his way home from work the following evening when something small and dark skitters across his field of vision.

"Moonlit?" he asks in a whisper. No… It couldn't be, could it? He runs a hand through his unruly, cloud-colored hair. It seems stupid for him to get his hopes up so easily.

The rat lets out a small squeal before high-tailing it down the street.

It's just a rat, yes, but that doesn't stop Shion from running after the tiny, dark-furred rodent. He doesn't even hesitate. He follows the pitter-patter, just like he did five years ago. He chases the rat until his feet feel like they are about to crack open, dust rising in small clouds around his worn out sneakers. He's taken to a park on the opposite side of town before losing the rat.

"Where'd you go…?" the mumbles, looking left and right, but there is no sign of it. Shion sighs. "It was a long shot anyway," he says to himself, an unpleasant feeling in his gut.

He shrugs off the disappointment, looking up at the sky.

"Pretty." He's staring up into the immensity with his arms spread wide, as if he's offering a hug to the moon. It's especially bright tonight.

"You haven't changed," a voice says from behind him.

"Huh?" He lets his arms fall to his side before turning around and when he does, his eyes widen dramatically.

There, standing before him is the one person who has consumed his thoughts and dreams for years, refusing to leave his mind even in sleep. The one person who has promised to return, sealing the deal with a kiss.

"I'm glad," Nezumi says, offering a small smile. "Shion is still Shion."

There was no mistake. This was the moment Shion has been waiting the past five years for. He stares at the man in front of him so intently, as if a simple blink may cause him to vanish. He looks the same, yet so different. His hair is still up in a short ponytail, a pair of pants tucked into combat boots, a long-sleeved black shirt and a backpack slung over his shoulder.

"Ne-Nezumi…" Shion's says weakly. As he takes in the sight of the boy – no, man – before him, his vision blurs, his eyes begin to water and before he can think to try and stop it, tears start to run down his cheeks.

Nezumi takes a step forward, brushing away the fallen tears. "I spend years dreaming of your smiling face… and here you are, crying."

"Nezumi," Shion's voice cracks.

He shakes his head and slowly reaches out to the man, wanting to touch him to make sure he's actually there. He runs his hands over the man's stomach, ribcage, chest, along his arms and rests the palms of his hands on the man's cheeks.

He had this all planned out. When Nezumi came back, he was going to talk to him. There were things he wanted to say, questions he wanted to ask, answers he needed… But now that he is standing in front of him, he finds himself unable to speak coherently and his rehearsed speech is long lost and forgotten.

As if reading Shion's thoughts, Nezumi's gaze softens and he says quietly: "I'm really here."

Shion looks up at him before taking a few steps closer and wrapping his arms around the other man's waist. He presses his cheek against Nezumi's chest. "You're here…"

Nezumi wraps his arms around Shion, noticing, once again, how significantly smaller he is. The top of his head only reaching the taller man's chin. Has Shion even grown an inch since they'd last been together?

Upon feeling Nezumi's arms slowly wrap around his shoulders, Shion tightens his grip. He's quiet, but Nezumi knows he is still crying. He can feel a wetness on his sternum, dampening his shirt.

They stay like this for a long time and when they finally pull apart, Shion looks up at Nezumi, feeling happiness fill every inch of his being.

They sit on the swings. It feels like they're sixteen years old again playing on the old jungle gym. The don't talk, not yet. For now, they're silent and content in each other's quiet company.

"We should get going," Shion says, his feet dragging circles into the dirt beneath him.

"Yeah," Nezumi agrees and is the first to stand. He walks to the edge of the park with Shion following a few steps behind.

"Are you coming with me?" Shion asks.

Nezumi leans in and gives Shion a quick, but chaste kiss.

"What was that for?" he asks.

"I'm home."

"But we're at a park?"

"Idiot," he says fondly. "Wherever you are…" he trails off, but Shion understands.

_Wherever you are, that's my home._

Their hands unconsciously intertwine as they journey back to Shion's apartment.

* * *

"You're living alone?" Nezumi asks when they arrive.

"Yes."

"Since when?" the dark haired man asks, surveying his surroundings.

"Just a little over a year. I thought it was high-time to start to learn to do things for myself. My mom was less than pleased, but she's fine now."

Nezumi laughed softly, recalling the first time he met Karan. The woman hugged him, something he didn't expect and didn't know how to react to. He simply ended up giving the woman an awkward pat on the back as she thanked him repeatedly for taking care of her son.

"Can I get you anything?" Shion asks, playing the part of the perfect host.

"No, I'm good."

"Are you sure? You're not hungry at all? I'll make some tea."

"If you insist."

Nezumi sits down at the table idly chatting with Shion as he makes the tea.

"Here," Shion sits across from him, handing him the steaming hot cup before settling in to drink his own.

"Thanks," Nezumi takes the cup, sipping gingerly.

"This time…" he pauses, rubbing his thumb down the handle of the cup. "This time, are you going to stay?"

"Yeah, this time I'm staying."

Relief visibly pours into Shion's features. "Here?"

Nezumi nods, "If you'll have me."

"Of course," the snowy-haired boy grins.

They break into another silence and it's perfectly comfortable, like they both know that words aren't always needed.

"You must be tired, huh?" Shion asks once he notices Nezumi is finished his tea.

"Not really," he leans in, "but I wouldn't mind sharing a bed with you. There are things we can do besides sleeping."

Shion splutters, cheeks tinted pink.

Nezumi laughs, "Just kidding. We don't have to do anything like that."

Shion huffs.

"But since we're on the topic," Nezumi muses with a smirk, "Have you ever, you know," he makes a lewd gesture with his hands.

Shion shakes his head and Nezumi looks surprised, yet pleased.

"Really? Never?"

"Why is that so hard to believe?" Shion grumbles. After all, he's still only 21.

"I guess it's not," Nezumi shrugs. "So what are you waiting for?"

Shion looks up at Nezumi, but doesn't say anything. Instead he stands up and takes the other man's hand in his, leading him down the dim hallway and into the bedroom.

Shion has this man now, and he isn't going to let him get away this time. He leans up and presses his lips to Nezumi's, who kisses back with just as much vigor.

Now is the time to be bold.

"You're what I was waiting for," Shion whispers shyly into the other man's lips. He breaks the kiss moments later and takes a few steps away. He removes his clothes slowly until he is bare and settles himself on the bed, giving Nezumi an inviting look. The other man saunters forward and leans over him, kissing his pink lips once again.

His hands are running across the flat plane of Shion's stomach.

Nezumi looks up, his eyes intense, "Is this okay?"

Shion nods. He watches the taller man begins to undress, unable to hide the lust in his eyes as more and more skin is revealed.

"Will it hurt?" Shion asks timidly, feeling childish. He has heard many times that it does.

"At first," Nezumi says softly. "Then it'll feel nice."

"Okay," he says, relaxing himself.

Nezumi leans down kisses him quickly before settling himself between the man's parted, milky thighs.

And it is beautiful, their warm bodies pressing together, momentarily becoming one. A union that will last a lifetime.

* * *

Nezumi wraps his arms around Shion, pulling him into his chest, radiating post-sexual warmth.

"Mm," Shion rubs his cheek along the other man's skin. "There's so much I want to ask you."

"I know."

"Will you answer my questions this time?" Shion asks, not budging from his spot in Nezumi's arms.

"I will."

"Promise?"

He chuckles lightly, "I promise, Shion."

"Why did you have to go?"

Nezumi knew this would be the first question Shion asked. Nezumi has always had a talent for reading people, and this question has been on the tip of Shion's tongue for a long time.

Nezumi is quiet for many long moments, trying to collect his thoughts. "It scared me," he says out of nowhere. "That's why I left."

"What scared you?"

He smiles a bit, "Well, I guess you did."

"Wh-what? Me?" Shion's eyebrows draw together in confusion.

"You taught me things, though probably unintentionally," Nezumi says softly, as if recalling the old memories, "Things I didn't know I had to be taught. You made me remember things I assumed I had long forgotten. I kept telling myself I didn't care about anyone. I was a survivor and to continue surviving, all I needed to do was take care of myself. I was doing fine on my own. I had a mission." He pauses and smirks, "This is where you come in. Before I knew it, I had someone I wanted to protect. Inukashi always told me that it was a weakness. As soon as I had found someone to protect, I had lost."

Shion frowns.

Nezumi places a hand on Shion's cheek, running his thumb across the pink scar. "Inukashi was wrong though. It's not a weakness. It's a strength. I had something worth fighting for… but in the end I felt like I couldn't protect you. I saw you pull that trigger without remorse and I felt like it was my fault. I showed you that world, a world you had spent your life unaware of."

"It wasn't your fault," Shion insists, "And I'm grateful you showed me the truth."

Nezumi smiles a bit, nodding. "When I'd finally figured it all out I was halfway around the world," he sighs.

"What made you come back now?" Shion asks, then quickly adds, "Not that I'm complaining!"

Nezumi laughs, dragging his hand through Shion's pale hair. "I felt like I wasted too much time. I didn't know whether you would still be waiting for me or not. The selfish part of me wanted you to, but the selfless part of me didn't. The selfless part of me wanted you to be living your life. I'd been thinking about it and I knew I had to come up with a decision. I went to bed one night and had a dream that gave me my answer."

"What did you dream?" Shion asks curiously.

"I was standing face-to-face with myself. My other self started to run, so I chased after him. 'Why are we running?' I yelled after him. He looked at me and he said, 'Because that is what you do. You run.' And then it became clear." Nezumi made a face. "I was stupid."

Shion laughs, surprised Nezumi found it in himself to admit such a thing. Surprised his pride let the statement slip between his lips.

"You're not supposed to laugh when I'm confessing…" he says dryly.

"I'm sorry," Shion replies innocently.

"So am I," Nezumi whispers. "So, what other questions do you have?" he asks, brushing the hair away from the smaller man's pretty face.

"It's not as much of a question…" Shion mumbles, turning his head to look up at Nezumi.

"What is it?"

"Nezumi, um, I… I…" he presses his lips together, suddenly unsure of himself.

"You don't have to say it," Nezumi gives him a quick peck. "I already know."

"O-Oh..." Shion is thankful for the lack of lights; sure he must be blushing a furious shade of red.

"I feel the same way."

"Then the rest can wait," Shion says, pressing himself deeper into his new lover as they're both whisked into pleasant dreams of each other.

In his sleep, Shion smiles for the first time in five years.

* * *

Morning comes fast. Shion wakes up with two strong arms wrapped around him, a blissful reminder of last night's events. Nezumi is back and Nezumi is his. He smiles to himself as he remembers all that happened.

Shion's life isn't perfect – far from it – but he can feel things slowly coming together.


End file.
